I grew up with these two stories on repeat, my grandmother's censored retelling of a holocaust experience, and my father's romanticised retelling of how he had eventually wooed my mother into having children despite her imagining her father's rejection.

I originally posted a version of the story below to the Reddit’s forum, r/fencesitter, for people “on the fence” about having children. A raw, vulnerable discussion followed, then several commenters and I were permanently banned from the sub with no explanation.

As a Chinese adoptee whose life was determined by one policy that violated the reproductive rights of women, I now make parallels to the ethical questions I have to consider as a young woman and a climate educator. My birth mother was forced to give me up because of the One Child Policy and the preference of males in the family over females. For me, this created a loss of culture, loss of family, and loss of identity. But for my birth mother, this created a sacrifice that I can only think of as a radical act of love.

When I was born, there were about 2.5 billion people on this planet. In the span of my lifetime (I am now 70), that number has tripled. That is astounding. When I entered reproductive age, I made the decision that if I could do nothing else, I could at least not contribute to that astronomical growth.

I am an almost 21 year old non-binary person from the UK. Ever since I was a child I have always known that I wanted to be a parent. In my ideal world, I would have children in about eight to ten years’ time. I desperately want to be a parent and feel a strong urge to care for and raise children but the world seems so hostile towards them and I can’t imagine a future where they would be safe

I considered having kids, and I didn’t realise how much I had notions of a future with future generations until I really grieved the decision not to have them.

Tread lightly is a motto I live by and one I am trying to instill in my two young children.

I speak to them often about being gentle to the earth and we try as a family to make choices that do more good than harm - to the environment and to the people around us. So when I sit here considering if we should have a third child, it seems completely unreasonable for us to do so.

I am 43 years old. My husband and I have been married for six years. We live in the UK. I know he wants kids and would make an amazing father. I have always been a bit ambivalent about kids for many reasons, yet I probably would have done it, at least for the sake of my partner. However, for the last few years I have felt a crushing sense of climate anxiety which has put me off the idea of kids. I sway between hope/ activism and doom/ despair.

For most of my life, I have felt fairly ambivalent about having children. However, now that I am 30 and married, I have gradually begun to feel the pull of having children. My friends are starting to have kids or talk about wanting kids soon. And it’s just hard to imagine not having kids when that experience seems to be such a big and important part of life. Entering this stage of life has brought increased doubt, uncertainty, confusion, and sadness around my reproductive choices.

I am hoping for some clarity this winter, some answers about which steps to take next, and what Gaia is asking me to do. How to best serve her with my life. I feel movement toward this clarity in certain respects, but I also still feel unsure.

Are we supposed to have a child?

Every time a family member or friend announces they are expecting a baby, I am overwhelmed with sadness and helplessness. I know I am meant to say congratulations, but I don’t feel happy.

I would love to have a baby, but I am struggling to justify bringing a new person into a world that faces climate change and overpopulation.

Our first musical testimony, from Josephine’s spouse and band…

I am a 42 year old woman who decided not to have children in large part because I don’t see a viable future for them. I work in a field involved in protecting wildlife, but most days it feels as if I am rearranging deck chairs on the Titanic. 

I didn’t plan it like this, it just so happened that the day before I was supposed to get my abortion was the last day of school, so my second grader needed to be picked up at 12:30, sticky with Oreos and popsicles from the end-of-the-year party, but my almost 5 year old was still booked in pre-school till 3:30.

I am in my sixties now. I made the choice not to have children in my teens due to what I saw happening in the world.

My sister and I made a pact at a very young age that we would never have children, at the time, we did so in solidarity to break the cycle of domestic/child abuse that was occurring in our family.  

Video testimony

Video Testimony

Ignore the distractions, focus on what’s important. We are facing an unprecedented global threat that needs priority above all the “distraction” the world throws at us.  I have always been conscious of how my decision to have children will add to the already pressing burden on nature and the environment, with species going extinct every day.