It feels like I do not have a choice—Kiersten Little, Age 30

For most of my life, I have felt fairly ambivalent about having children. However, now that I am 30 and married, I have gradually begun to feel the pull of having children. My friends are starting to have kids or talk about wanting kids soon. And it’s just hard to imagine not having kids when that experience seems to be such a big and important part of life. Entering this stage of life has brought increased doubt, uncertainty, confusion, and sadness around my reproductive choices.

My husband is amazing and I know he would make the most incredible father. Thinking about having a child with him and watching him raise our child is what upsets me the most. Part of me really, really wants that. I can see that future and I know we would be great parents. But we talk all the time about how we cannot imagine bringing a child into this world knowing the scary and catastrophic future this child would have. We ourselves may face the collapse of societies in our lifetime, and our child would face the prospect of an uninhabitable planet. We agree that if things were different we would want to have kids, but it is impossible to ignore the science out there telling us what the future holds for life on this planet.

I feel very angry that it feels like I do not have a choice. Angry at past generations and current ones for the poor choices they have made for the health of this planet. Angry at our selfish, capitalist society and all the greedy corporations out there that are so incredibly short sighted. I feel that I could absolutely be happy in my life without a child, but I wanted the CHOICE. I do not feel like I have a choice. How could I bring a child into this world when the future looks so bleak? We are already witnessing climate change in action, with increased hurricanes, fires, and drought. I am so sad about this and do not know how to reconcile my feelings.