Sustainability Director hops off the fence—Massachusetts, Age 32
I originally posted a version of the story below to the Reddit’s forum, r/fencesitter, for people “on the fence” about having children. A raw, vulnerable discussion followed, then several commenters and I were permanently banned from the sub with no explanation.
Perspective of a Chinese adoptee—Megan Warner, Age 25
As a Chinese adoptee whose life was determined by one policy that violated the reproductive rights of women, I now make parallels to the ethical questions I have to consider as a young woman and a climate educator. My birth mother was forced to give me up because of the One Child Policy and the preference of males in the family over females. For me, this created a loss of culture, loss of family, and loss of identity. But for my birth mother, this created a sacrifice that I can only think of as a radical act of love.
Trying to come to terms with the impact of our choices—Anonymous
Tread lightly is a motto I live by and one I am trying to instill in my two young children.
I speak to them often about being gentle to the earth and we try as a family to make choices that do more good than harm - to the environment and to the people around us. So when I sit here considering if we should have a third child, it seems completely unreasonable for us to do so.
It feels like I do not have a choice—Kiersten Little, Age 30
For most of my life, I have felt fairly ambivalent about having children. However, now that I am 30 and married, I have gradually begun to feel the pull of having children. My friends are starting to have kids or talk about wanting kids soon. And it’s just hard to imagine not having kids when that experience seems to be such a big and important part of life. Entering this stage of life has brought increased doubt, uncertainty, confusion, and sadness around my reproductive choices.
Struggling to decide—Kate
Every time a family member or friend announces they are expecting a baby, I am overwhelmed with sadness and helplessness. I know I am meant to say congratulations, but I don’t feel happy.
I would love to have a baby, but I am struggling to justify bringing a new person into a world that faces climate change and overpopulation.
Five Flavors—Anonymous
I didn’t plan it like this, it just so happened that the day before I was supposed to get my abortion was the last day of school, so my second grader needed to be picked up at 12:30, sticky with Oreos and popsicles from the end-of-the-year party, but my almost 5 year old was still booked in pre-school till 3:30.
Olivia Andrews—Age 38, Cape Town, South Africa
I am 38 years old and have made the decision to remain child-free. I’m not having children for environmental reasons. I’m worried about what the future holds for our planet with climate change. My partner and I have been together for 16 years. He also doesn’t want children. If he did we would not have got married.
Angela Gott—Age 65, New York
I am now 65. I never married, nor had children. My sister is 60 and she never had children either. Both of us decided in our teens that we never wanted to have children. We were raised in Louisville, Kentucky and are college educated. Our adoptive parents had “time” to enjoy their married lives for 11 years before adopting me in 1951 and my sister in 1956.